I had a realization recently. Right now I am treading water.
Not literally, metaphorically.
For the passed few months I’ve had a little ball of anxiety sitting in my chest. At the heart of that ball was the question “what next?” I’d always had something I was working towards. For years it was school. Working towards good grades and graduation. Then my career. Then smaller projects, vlogging, learning to knit, learning D&D. Then planning a wedding.
But the last few months, I haven’t had a clear goal. Career-wise I am in a happy place. There is room for me to move up but I’m not desperate to claw my way up. Right now I’d rather take my time and seize opportunities as they arise rather than create waves that could alienate colleagues and throw the rest of my life into wack.
In my personal life I feel like we’re in a bit of a holding pattern. External forces out of our control are holding us back from taking the next big step. Those forces could change, hopefully any day, at which point we’ll start planning for those steps. But in the meantime I don’t want to get my hopes up too much by thinking and dreaming. And there hasn’t been any new smaller projects that I’ve been motivated to start.
I was pondering all of this and I realized, it’s like I’m treading water. While I’m not moving forward, I’m also not drowning. So right now, I’m going to keep treading water. To keep my head above water and my eyes open so that as soon as the next opportunity appears on the horizon I can swim out to it.