Treading Water

Treading Water

I had a realization recently. Right now I am treading water.

Not literally, metaphorically.

I’ll explain.

For the passed few months I’ve had a little ball of anxiety sitting in my chest. At the heart of that ball was the question “what next?” I’d always had something I was working towards. For years it was school. Working towards good grades and graduation. Then my career. Then smaller projects, vlogging, learning to knit, learning D&D. Then planning a wedding.

But the last few months, I haven’t had a clear goal. Career-wise I am in a happy place. There is room for me to move up but I’m not desperate to claw my way up. Right now I’d rather take my time and seize opportunities as they arise rather than create waves that could alienate colleagues and throw the rest of my life into wack.

In my personal life I feel like we’re in a bit of a holding pattern. External forces out of our control are holding us back from taking the next big step. Those forces could change, hopefully any day, at which point we’ll start planning for those steps. But in the meantime I don’t want to get my hopes up too much by thinking and dreaming. And there hasn’t been any new smaller projects that I’ve been motivated to start.

I was pondering all of this and I realized, it’s like I’m treading water. While I’m not moving forward, I’m also not drowning. So right now, I’m going to keep treading water. To keep my head above water and my eyes open so that as soon as the next opportunity appears on the horizon I can swim out to it.

Setting Myself Up for Failure (ie. My Inability to Finish Things)

Remember the last few posts, about how I was so excited and pumped for NaNoWriMo this year and how this was the year that I was going to win?

Yeah, about that…

I didn’t win, but I’m not counting this as a failure. As of right now I have close to 36,000 words written. I have the beginning, end and most of the middle written. And the remaining bits I have notes and concepts of what I’m going to write. So I have most of a first draft.

What got in my way, was ultimately myself. Here’s what happened: Continue reading “Setting Myself Up for Failure (ie. My Inability to Finish Things)”

Here’s some snapshots from my life this week.

Arcadia Quest Heroes

Spent a good chunk of the weekend painting miniatures for a friend.

Sticky Frog

A visitor at the office.

Bullet Journal

Setting up my bullet journal. Trying to get motivate myself to stick to good habits.

Polar Bear Dog

Ryan got this for me a few weeks ago. She watches over us while we sleep.

Golden Hour BeginsHelo and I had a beautiful walk along the Hague.

Helo at Dog ParkHappy pup!

Shiny DiceGame time with the pup. (She was making sure we followed the rules)

Am I a “Sell Out”?

Every now and then I struggle with choices I’ve made career-wise. A few years ago I was laid-off and accepted a job that shifted me into a slightly different field. The pay and hours are a significant improvement, I get to keep working creatively, can support myself and my husband financially, but I’m no longer working in theater.  I’ve struggled internally with the idea that I had become a “sell out”.

I had left theater to work in television. From many people’s perspectives I probably am a “sell out”. But it’s more complicated than that. Continue reading “Am I a “Sell Out”?”