The Start of Another Year

2014 has come and gone, now I have to remind myself to write a 5 instead of a 4 at the end of the date.  I’ve never been one for resolutions, but I do have some plans for this year.

One major plan is to vlog more.  I realize that my last post in August was stating that I was going to get back to posting on a regular schedule.  But I didn’t realize how much time running the show would take, and then my computer decided to kill my hard-drive. After the death of my computer in October I was unable to edit videos, and I just couldn’t bring myself to upload unedited videos with all the rambling I tend to do.  Hopefully by next week I will have my new computer and be ready to post a new video. The plan is to do upload on a more regular basis and do some more informal vlogs.

The other plan is to get in better shape.  When I was working backstage I never really had to think about exercise because my job was exercise enough.  Some shows I sat around for 2 hours with 15 second intervals of activity and others were 2 hour marathons of constant activity.  Now that I am sitting at a desk for most of the day, exercise needs to be something I think about.  Crazy schedules the last few months has also contributed to poor eating habits that I need to kick to the curb. I don’t think my health has really started to suffer from both these lifestyle changes, but I want to turn things around before it gets too late.

The final plan, well not so much a plan but more of a hope, is to write a novel.  The last two years I have worked shows during NaNoWriMo and quickly realized that doing both would be far too much.  Instead of waiting til November, I am going to slowly work on one story that I’ve been itching to write for over a year.  Depending on how quickly it goes I may attempt to write the other story that’s been bouncing around during NaNoWriMo.  We shall see.

So here’s to 2015. A year to get back on track both for my health and creativity.

Decades Lost – Excert 2

In just a few minutes we’ll be climbing into our hibernation pods to start the trip to Io.  If everything goes as planned Kendall, the engineer, will be the only one to wake up during the trip.  Just so that he can check all of the systems and if needed he’ll wake the rest of the crew.  I’ve double-checked my pod and it’s all set for the four month trip to Io.  The pods are not that glamorous.  Besides the window around the head the rest is scuffed plastic.  At least I was able to trade out the old cushions for brand new ones.  Even if I’m unconscious I do think they will make a difference.

Initially I was concerned about having to hibernate in the pods.  An anxiety attack while going into or coming out of hibernation would be very bad.  A few months ago, while poking around the storeroom holding all the extra parts to The Decade Lost, I found a few spare pods.  Not much has changed with hibernation technology in the last 8 years.  So I took a few naps in the pods to give it a test run.  Other than terrifying one security officer who missed the memo that I was in the storeroom, everything went swimmingly.

I do have a bottle of pills tucked into my jumpsuit.  Just in case.

Until we get the all clear from the captain there isn’t much to do but stare at the five identical pods, and two very strange looking pods.

Continue reading “Decades Lost – Excert 2”

Another NaNoWriMo Almost Gone

Well, my second attempt at NaNoWriMo is almost to the end.  The second week did me in.

Not only did I fall into the second week slump, but I came down with a wicked flu that took several days to get over.  Really, almost a week before I really felt back to normal.  During that time, just doing everyday tasks seemed to take far too much effort and thought.  Writing seemed like an impossible task.  After several days I came back to discover that the foothill of writing had turned into Everest, and I had forgotten to bring my hiking gear.

I feel a bit disappointed in myself, but I’m throwing in the towel.  I just started working on a new show and between that and work I just don’t have the time to catch up on the writing to win NaNoWriMo.  But I’m not completely giving up.  I’m going to keep chipping away at this novel.

5 Years & 2 Months

My first post on this blog was back in 2008.  It has been 5 years and 2 months since that post.  If you had asked 2008 me where I would be in 5 years, I don’t think I would have predicted where I am now.  A lot has changed in those 5 years. I’ve changed.  And I think it’s mostly for the better.

In 2008, I had just moved across the country to a new city and new job.  I had just graduated college, knew that I loved theatre and stage managing; but was unsure where to go next.

Continue reading “5 Years & 2 Months”

Decades Lost – Excerpt 1

Last night I had the nightmare, always different and yet the same.  Eight years I have had this nightmare.  Each time I find myself on the ship, but then something goes wrong.  It often changes.  An engine blows.  A tear in the hull suffocates and freezes everyone.  A plague breaks out.  Someone goes insane.  The jump tears everyone apart.  Each time I watch my friends and colleagues die in some new horrifying way.  And each time I am an invisible observer, knowing their fate yet unable to warn them or assist them.

My therapist says the dream is a manifestation of my guilt.  I didn’t need a therapist to figure that out.  He did suggest I keep a journal, I’m doubtful this will provide a breakthrough just like every other method we’ve tried.

It is fitting that I had the nightmare last night.  Today marks the 8th anniversary of the disappearance of the Decades Lost.  Eight years of not knowing what truly happened to the 87 lives aboard the ship.  Today I will start my day with a brief ceremony were the names are read aloud as a flame is lit for each life lost.  Each year there are fewer people at the ceremony.  Fewer faces I struggle to avoid.  In a way, I am envious of those who have stopped attending.  They have moved on, continued their lives while I am stuck.  I might have well been on the ship when it left, I haven’t moved on since that day.

My therapist tells me I have survivors guilt and I need to find a way to forgive myself.  Intellectually I understand and agree with him, emotionally I don’t understand.  I was meant to be on that ship. As the lead theorist on the jump drive I should have been there.  I was meant to be there to see my creation on its maiden voyage.  But I got the cold.  A week before launch, my doctor diagnosed me with the common cold and I was pulled from the mission.  Instead I watched from the control room as my friends and colleagues disappeared into the sky.

My therapist tells me I have survivors guilt and I need to find a way to forgive myself.  Intellectually I understand and agree with him, emotionally I don’t understand.  I was meant to be on that ship. As the lead theorist on the jump drive I should have been there.  I was meant to be there to see my creation on its maiden voyage.  But I got the cold.  A week before launch, my doctor diagnosed me with the common cold and I was pulled from the mission.  Instead I watched from the control room as my friends and colleagues disappeared into the sky.

We had done test runs with small ships and mammals.  The rats exhibited no physical ailments and only mild disorientation that subsided with in a day.  But the jump drive had to be calibrated for a single jump.  It would not be able to travel across the universe, only hop from one planet to another.  While this would cut down on intergalactic travel, our goal was to build a ship capable of traveling through the universe with a seemingly unlimited amount of jump locations.  The only way to calibrate the drive was onboard, there was no way to trigger it from outside of the ship.

The drive also can interfere with ship-to-ship comm.  The procedure that was agreed upon was that the crew would shut down their ship-to-ship com 15 minutes before starting up the drive and once they reached the destination, orbiting Io, they would turn comm back on and send the official report of how the jump went.  To be safe we even rigged the comms so that they could not be turned on if the drive was running and visa versa.   It’s possible something went wrong in those 15 minutes.  It’s possible something went wrong with the jump.  The only data we have are scans from nearby ships, that show it was in the location for the jump and then the ship disappeared.  There was just no way to get a message out.

They didn’t even get to say goodbye.  Today I will stand at the memorial and wonder what each of them would have said if they knew it was going to be their last chance.  I wonder, but I don’t even know what I would say.